Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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