she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
