Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
