It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
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