Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
