Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
