When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
