Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
