Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
