New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
