Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
