you guys were way drunker than both of me
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
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