I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
splinters make it hard to masturbate
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
