He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
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