i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
