He disabled his match.com account in front of me
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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