He disabled his match.com account in front of me
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
