She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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