The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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