today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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