Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
