it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
