chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
