The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
there is glitter all over my balls
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