turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
