The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
being pregnant is like rehab
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Randomize
