Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
