We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
