I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
