yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
