Your tits are I can't wait for
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Randomize
