im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
