Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize
