Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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