I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
