yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize
