I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
We're too hungover to prance.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
