Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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