So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Randomize
