She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
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