Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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