We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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