I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
