Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
The air taste purple.
Randomize
