So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
