exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
We are two peas in an std pod
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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