During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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