Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
