There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
