ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
