so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
