If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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