woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
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