just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
