before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
