you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
