Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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