Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
