You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
